Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in kimades' InsaneJournal:

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Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012
9:44 pm	Trading up… One thought at a time The reality was, he owned nothing of substantial value. He owned one red paperclip but what he truly desired was to own a house. He had big dreams. How was he going to get from where he was to where he wanted to be? On July 12, 2005, Kyle MacDonald initiated a trading game. He had a dream and he had bills to cover, he really needed a job, but instead … He placed an ad on Craigslist aiming to trade in his paperclip for something considerably better. He traded it for a ballpoint pen in the shape of a fish that started a sequence of bartering which captured the attention of thousands of people who followed his cross-continental trading travel. He continued trading and went from the pen, to a camping stove, to a power generator, to a neon sign, to a snowmobile, to a trip, to a snow globe. On July 7, 2006, he completed his last trade for the house he always wanted to have. Then he threw a housewarming party, where he proposed to his girlfriend with a wedding ring made from the original red paperclip which was generously returned from his first trader. Had I told you that it's possible to get a house with a single red paperclip - you'd have assumed I had already lost my mind and come from another planet. You would have asserted that I was in la la land and completely unrealistic. However, the reality is this… those people who live with their eyes firmly planted on what is realistic keep themselves in a world of limited possibilities. Those people who keep their eyes firmly planted on the vision of their dreams create possibilities that are close to mystical in nature. It looks like a big leap, however, to go from paperclip to homeowner. How do you connect such a wide gap? By trading up. That is what MacDonald did. What if we could trade up our thoughts in the same way? What would happen? What if we could go from a feeling of hopelessness to a world of abundance in a few simple trades? If we take a look at people who live stratospheric lives we find that the single greatest difference between them and everyone else is only the way they think. They are aware of the thoughts that they have that limit their possibilities and trade them up for thoughts of slightly higher value. Our thoughts are the single most significant factor in achieving our dreams. Our thoughts become our beliefs, our beliefs lead to the expectations we have and our expectations drive the results we get. Just as MacDonald started with a simple paperclip and kept trading up, we can also trade up our thoughts to better thoughts and even better, greater ones until we reach our ultimate dreams. Three key strategies to trade up to success: 1. MacDonald had a dream and a vision. He knew just what he wanted at the end of the trade, and he considered, maneuvered and orchestrated each trade to acquire maximum benefit. His trades sparked his interest in some way, they were instinctive and he could see a better picture within them. They made sense to him. You cannot figure out how to go about achieving your dreams till you have defined them. When you see your dream clearly, your thoughts and actions are aligned correctly, working in harmony to attain your vision. 2. Our unique experience. We are bestowed with a unique set of gifts and skills that are given only to us to assist us in navigating through journeys with our own brand of ingenuity. In MacDonald’s case, he was a jack of all trades with a restless nature. He actually did not want a conventional job; he is a geography enthusiast, a writer who drew upon circumstance, chance meetings and the quirky insignificant stuff of life as fuel for the stories on his blog, and wanderlust with a keen savvy for celebrity. He compiled each one of his gifts in his mission to trade up to a house, using in fact, the red paperclip that held together his resume. The red paperclip symbolically and factually saved him from conventional wisdom. Hmmmm. Follow your heart; do what you’re good at. 3. Live with passion. What did he really trade? From door knob to cube van, these items really had very little value. They had sentiment perhaps, or the cute factor, or made a glowing comment on society, or were kitsch so they were cool, arbitrary and extraordinary, fun and spontaneous, but mainly monetarily mediocre (except of course the house, and the snow globe which Corbin Benson desperately wanted to add to his collection).But they also had something very specific and altruistic about them. They were much more than objects; they were stories. They had a culture; they represented the journey, the dream, and they inspired, set fire to the imagination and generated excitement. The paperclip started a vibe; it was contagious, it became an obsession and a passion, and it became the stuff films are made of. One Paperclip is a book and a film produced by Dreamworks. Seems only fitting. Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching.com to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 16th, 2012
11:41 pm	My Kid Has a Poor Attitude and it has to Change! I coach lots of people who have kids who don’t appear to be living up to their parent’s expectations. Here are some of the things I hear: “I have an 8 year-old son and when things do not go his way, he pouts. It drives me crazy. I tried talking to him regarding it but it does not help.” “My kid shouts and screams until he gets his way.” “My son is a great volleyball player. After his games, all he does is pay attention to how he messed up. He beats himself up over it. I am worried that his negativity will affect him later on in life. When he is playing and he messes up, I can just tell in advance what our conversation will be like.” “My daughter is just like her father. It’s always doom and gloom and I don’t know how to change it. She expects things to not work out.” “My son is lazy. He does not work very hard. He has everything handed to him on a silver platter. I am worried that he’s going to grow up and not know how to earn a living.” “My daughter is always so concerned about how she looks. She spends hours in front of the mirror every day. And she's on the phone all the time. She is so quickly influenced by her friends, I am worried that she might end up on the wrong side of the path and get into trouble.” They turn to me for advice on how to deal with their children. The truth is… absolutely nothing is wrong with their kids. What they have to fix is their own thinking. Here is how it works: What you focus on grows. What you see before you is what keeps materializing. What you concentrate on becomes your reality. And this applies to your kids. When you concentrate on your child’s pouting and have a ‘talk’ with your child relating to this behavior, it becomes a point of interest and it expands. The pouting gets worse as a result. When you pay attention to how your daughter is always pessimistic, her negative thoughts don’t lift but instead have a bigger bite. When you observe and worry about your son’s tendency to beat himself up over a mistake or a failure, that tendency doesn't reduce, it just runs deeper. The real issue is not what your kids are doing or not doing. The issue is what YOU are focusing on. So here is the magical secret about parenting: focus on the qualities of your children that you actually want to see - and your focus will help them to develop. Focus on the times when your child is demonstrating all the habits, abilities, talents, values, and traits that you want him or her to have and make a big deal out of those moments. That is the time to have a ‘talk’ with your child to tell him how wonderful he is. When he feels great, his wonderful qualities just naturally grow. The key is to see what you want to see in your children and see what they want you to see about them. Fixing your kids is actually a function of fixing you. Start thinking about them in a different way and the results will be huge. Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)
Monday, February 13th, 2012
11:15 pm	The Tax Man Came I had back-to-back group coaching calls all day. I was coaching people on emotional resilience and the way to change their thinking and it wasn’t until 4:30 p.m. that I was able to check my messages. “Kim, my name is Daniel and I'm calling from the City of Vaughan Tax Department. I am calling you regarding the taxes for your home. I will be at the office until 3:30 p.m. today. Here is my contact number. Can you please call me back today or tomorrow?” The tax department? What did I do wrong? Did I owe them money? Did I mess up paying a bill? Did my taxes increase? It was too late to call him back on that day. I left myself a note near my personal computer to call him up the following morning. That night I went home and got swept up in the busy pace of normal life; dinner, curriculum night, homework, journal reading, tuck-ins, and bed. I forgot about the tax man. The following morning, within 2 minutes of arriving at the office, the phone rang. “Oh hi, I am glad you called.” I answered when I realized that it was Daniel following up. “You are? Why?” “You were on my list of people to call today and you just called me instead. Thank you.” I think he was surprised. “I am calling about the taxes for your house.” “Okay, what’s up?” “You provided us instructions to proceed with pre-authorized payment…” “Yes, I did, is there a problem with my credit card?” “No not at all. In July you sent us a cheque and now we have this extra $2,100. What do you want us to do with it?” “Are you saying that the tax department owes me money???” “Yes Ma’am.” I was floored. It was just like winning the lottery. The sky had suddenly opened up and dropped a gift on my head. “How would you like us to take care of that for you Ma’am?” “Would it help if you sent me a cheque?” I asked, still in surprise. “Yes, that’s what I will do; I’ll send you a cheque.” In all my life, I'd never heard of the tax department calling anyone to provide them money. Talk about needing to change my thinking! All day long, every single day, I advise people that what you focus on grows. In fact, I even published a book with that title! Here was a typical illustration of my own coaching strategies coming to life in my world - and I was still impressed! Here’s how it works… when you imagine good things happening, they actually do. When you welcome incredible gifts, they show up. When you shine with gratitude for every little thing, more things that are really easy to appreciate unexpectedly appear. What’s it all about? Your Frame of Mind. There is no other more powerful tool for creating miracles in your life. Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)
Friday, February 10th, 2012
11:38 pm	The Pink Slip… What would likely happen at work if… 1. You frequently showed up late. 2. You consistently shirked your responsibilities. 3. You neglected your most important tasks simply because you tried to do everything on your own. If you committed these infractions at work, your employer would definitely have cause for dismissal. In my coaching programs I always ask the question; what's your responsibility? Most often, women answer the question with a never ending list, citing the numerous details, commitments, issues, schedules and bits and pieces that they're responsible for doing for their kids, husbands, parents, friends, organizations. Nowhere in the list do I hear about how they take care of themselves. Nowhere. It’s astounding. If you abdicated all your tasks at work you would be fired. However, again and again women place themselves last on the ‘to do’ list, ignoring their personal business. Why is it acceptable to do this in your life? This is grounds for the pink slip. Your # 1 responsibility is to take care of yourself. The more that you put your own needs aside to take of everyone else’s, not only do you erode your self confidence, but you systematically deprive yourself of the possibilities to achieve your potential and to take advantage of the things that are important for you. In essence, while you believe you are creating happiness by taking care of everything for everyone, you are allowing vast feelings of worthlessness and unhappiness into your own life. When your desires and needs are always in last place, when there never seems to be more than enough hours in the day, when you are micromanaging everybody’s lives, honestly you're not managing your life in an appropriate manor at all. It’s not effective at all, not even for the people whose lives you believe you're supporting. Your top responsibility in your life is to look after yourself first. In doing so, your relationships will flourish and become abundant rather than complicated and diminished. When you put yourself in a position of priority, you're certainly making a statement that you've got value and worth. And that is quite attractive. It's human nature to be drawn to success. Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)
Monday, February 6th, 2012
2:41 pm	Without a Bruise there is no Pain Yesterday, I went to Best Buy to buy a TV. I rarely watch television, but I decided that I wanted one for my bedroom so that I could watch movies snuggled up in bed with my kids. I did not need a fancy one - simply a basic, 20 inch TV with a DVD player. In making my choice, I had several considerations - it needed to easily fit in the car and I had to be able to take it up the stairs to my room. The Best Buy staff helped me put it into the front passenger seat of my car and demonstrated how to get it out when I got home. When I arrived, I backed up into my drive way and stopped with half of the car inside the garage so that it would be much easier to carry into the house. I opened the door wide and took it out just like they demonstrated. I was alright - I had a good hold and even though box was over sized, the weight felt manageable. As I moved towards the house, my foot got trapped and I tripped, falling flat onto my knees with the TV. OUCH! The pain was sharp and I was in severe agony. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get up but after about a minute I not only got up but also proceeded to move the TV into the house. For a few brief moments, the pain felt like it disappeared. And it was only when I sat down that my knees started to throb and swell. I called the people close to me to share my story and warn them about the huge bruising that was bound to show up in the morning. I told them I was sure to be black and blue in no time and that considering the fall and the agony, it wasn't likely to be a pretty sight. I was given all kinds of suggestions: place ice on it, take anti-inflammatory medication, have a drink. I had a drink and I went to bed early, raising my knees to an elevated position with a set of pillows. I woke up in the morning to find that the sharp pain transformed into a frequent, dull ache with high sensitivity to touch. I prepared myself as I raised my pant leg to look at the bruising. No bruising. No bruising?!!! What do you mean no bruising?!!!I am in pain! I experienced a very hard fall! I have to have bruising! Or else I do not have proof - proof of injury, proof of pain. That’s what we do - we hang on to our injuries and embellish our agony. We convert it into a story, a drama, even an entire soap opera. We feed the agony, we water it, we develop it, and then make it an issue so that we can have proof. Proof that will solicit sympathy from others. Proof that will cause them to take interest in us and be kind, and gentle, and understanding. Proof that will allow us to connect with people on an emotional level and enable us to feel fulfilled. It’s a quick fix simply because the truth is that people get tired of hearing about pain and agony over the long run - it’s truly not a solid strategy for long term connectivity. I laughed at myself after I became aware how silly I was being. My thoughts quickly turned to gratitude that I wouldn't bed is playing any bruising next week in Florida as I strut my stuff by the pool. I decided that a unique form of proof was in order - proof of joy, proof of fun, proof of relaxation, proof of peace and happiness. This, I decided, is a greater way to connect, one that will last a lifetime. Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 1st, 2012
10:37 am	The Robbers My parents are Egyptian Jews with deep seated cultural values and customs. I am the baby in the family who decided to make an appearance 13 years after my brother and 15 years after my sister. I was the pleasant surprise. Between the food and the guilt, and the extremely over protective parenting approach, you can just imagine the loving cocoon in which I was wrapped as a child. While I grew up thinking that I was everyone’s favorite, I instinctively realized that due to the big generational gap with my parents and the cultural disparity, I had to move out of the nest as a way to maintain a tight relationship. I now reside in Toronto, and they live in Montreal but the distance does not impact our communication. I am really close with them. I talk to them nearly every day on the phone and visit them a couple of times a year. Having not been to Toronto in over 2 years, they made a decision to come for a visit to make sure my life was in order. That’s when my mother informed me about the robbers: "Do not leave the door unlocked when you're in the house, there are robbers.” “Lock the doors in your car, and do not leave your purse in the back seat, a robber can open the door while you're at a red light and take it.” “Don’t open your sunroof. A robber can jump in over the top and strike you.” “Zip up your purse and keep it on your lap when you go to the washroom in a public place because a robber can get over the door and snap it up if it is clinging on the back of the door.” So evidently my mother is scared of robbers. She means well and she is unquestioningly trying to guard me from the evils of the world. It is definitely a sign of love but… WHERE EXACTLY ARE ALL THESE ROBBERS??? My mother looks for them. And you know what? She sees them - in newspapers, on T.V., on the radio, in conversations with her friends, in conversations she overhears, and even in her dreams. She expects to find them and she does. That is her reality. It’s what she pays attention to. Your world consists of what you focus on and your ‘reality’ is very much a function of what you expect. If you anticipate bad things to occur, they do. If you look for drama, chaos, and volatility, it shows up. Even when you do not look for it, but wish it were gone, you're still concentrating on that exact thing and so it remains to be a factor in your world and it often grows. If you concentrate on what is missing in your life, like money for instance, you obtain more of what is missing - no money. If you focus on the fact that you are too heavy, you stay like that, overweight. Imagine spending all that energy centered on the things you want, like generating wealth, wellness, and happiness, and imagine expecting it to come your way. The odds of it showing up are significantly magnified when you can picture it and imagine actually having it. The more you can see, taste, smell, touch, and emotionally experience what it is like to obtain what you desire, the closer you are to reaching it. In fact, it sets out to head your way. The most incredible thing is that you can decide what you want to focus on everyday. Just like brushing your teeth each morning, it can turn into a habit to get up in the morning and select the thoughts that you will focus on throughout the day. Thoughts that bring you towards the things which truly matter in your life. Good thoughts, happy thoughts, thoughts of gratitude, excitement, anticipation, love. It is really all about your Frame of Mind. What thoughts will you choose for today? Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 28th, 2012
12:16 am	The Ostrich Incident It’s been more than a year now and people have been asking me what it’s like to be remarried, especially now that I have a total of 5 kids. Perhaps my journal entry is the best way to explain it… Over the last month or so I’ve been feeling really good. I have just been completely happy about life. About my hubby, about all of our kids, about career, and about a few personal initiatives I have started to apply. However this weekend, was absolutely different. I was tired, irritated, and disappointed with ‘stuff’. With each of the kids wanting a bit of me, I felt drawn in 3 million directions. The house was a mess, no one was helping, and I didn’t have a few minutes of my own time to even scratch my head. The day before, my neighbour and I had decided to have a garage sale. Side by side yard sales meant a bigger crowd and more sales. At about mid morning, I took my 14-year-old son, Louis, over to my neighbor’s house to see what they had for sale. Tucked away, he spotted a big purple marionette and decided he had to have it. I tried to dissuade him; after all wasn’t the reason for a yard sale to eliminate our junk, not trade it in for more? He did not let it out of his sight and at the end of the day, with $4 in his hand, he went to make his purchase. The moment he got home, his 16-year-old stepbrother, Jonathan, saw this puppet and had to have one too. Luckily there was one left. He scrounged up all his change and they accepted the deal for 3 dollars and 85 cents. It was an ostrich and Jonathan promptly called him Ollie. Two grown boys - both taller than me -walking around with marionettes. Fun. Within a few moments, Jonathan’s brothers, Brian and Michael, were fighting for the puppet. They offered him progressively higher bids to purchase it from him. $5, $10, $12, $15, $20!!! It would have been a great gain on his investment - but he refused. He made a concession, however and permitted them to play with it in his absence. That evening he had a date with his girlfriend so the 2 boys were free to play with it for the evening. In a fight over who got to play with it first, the ostrich puppet’s strings broke. They tried to fix it, but it just was not quite the same. The next day, Michael had about 4 friends over to study for exams. The ostrich had been left on Michael’s bed in his room, and without any regard to what was on the bed, one of his friends plopped himself down on the bed and squashed the bird. Poor Ollie. When Jonathan found the state of his Ostrich the very next day, he flipped out. “I can’t imagine you did this to Ollie! You don’t care for anything! You both are disrespectful and careless! I won't ever lend you anything again! You owe me $3.85!” He ranted for about 40 minutes, when finally, he pulled out a piece of paper and demanded that they sign a pledge that they would not touch his things again. They refused. Then he proceeded to ask his dad to sign on their behalf. They were under legal signing age anyway and he realized he needed legal consent. His dad refused. At this time, Jonathan was straddling the line between being mad and being a stand-up comedian. He said, “Fine. I will sign it on your behalf.” He wrote the word ‘Daddy’ on the lines next to Brian and Michael’s names. “You can’t sign my name,” Allan protested.“That’s forgery!” As soon as Brian heard the term “forgery”, he determined that it was a criminal offense and called 911. Though he hung up a split-second after dialing, he was in shock to find out that a police officer had been sent to our home to investigate the “Ostrich Incident.” The police officer was hard put not to laugh when he heard the whole story, but he put on a strict face and informed the kids, all of whom were sitting in a row apprehensively on the living room sofa, of the proper use of the 9-1-1 emergency service. Later that night, as we sat around the dining table talking about how that episode would have made for good T.V., the kids were rather contrite and decided to help out more at home and concentrate a bit more on being considerate towards the people around them. They ALL helped in the kitchen later on - one clearing the table, one washing, one loading the dishwasher, one on Tupperware duty, etc... We functioned like a well oiled machine and it felt amazing. Nobody left the kitchen until it was ALL done. My grumpiness had evaporated, and all it took was an ostrich. Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 19th, 2012
11:46 am	The Monopoly Marathon: The Essence of One’s Financial BluePrint The Players: Allan – my husband Louis - my 14 year old son Ferne – my 10 year old daughter Brian – my 12 year old stepson Michael – my 14 year old stepson who replaced Brian at 11:30 p.m. because Brian was too anxious and tired to continue Me – Entrepreneur, Coach, Wife, and mother of 5! Jonathan – MIA – he was busy having a party with 15 of his closest friends in the basement The Game: We‘d been at it for at least 5 hours and at 1 in the morning, the game still wasn’t over. We called for a continuation the following night. I had a hunch that I could win the game but the endlessness of it was beginning to wear me down. I had to wake up early the next day to prepare Father’s Day brunch for the gang that was coming over to celebrate and I went to bed knowing that I would be exhausted the next day. Yes, it was quality time with my family, but at 1 a.m. I could feel myself resenting the hours I spent buying houses, hanging out in jail, and charging others for landing on my property. We were only halfway through the game, and in order to arrive at a consensus to pause the game for the night, I promised that I would hang in for the rest of the game the following day. I dreaded the thought and secretly I hoped that somehow I could get out of it. The next day when it became clear that they were not going to let me off the hook, I decided to pay attention to the game with a more discerning eye. Not only did I have every intention of obliterating my opponents (which I did), I started to watch for patterns of behaviour, strategic thinking, and their attitudes about money and how to manage it. I decided that if I had to play the bloody game I might as well learn something from it!!! As it turns out, Monopoly is really a microcosm of life and one can learn A LOT about people by watching them play. They play the game just like they play life. Their Strategies: Louis: Picky buyer. Wheeler dealer until he has nothing left to wheel and deal with. Brian: Buy up everything on the board. Emotional blackmailer, increasing and decreasing offers based on loyalty and mood. Ferne: Careful with money, kind to others and often distracted, resulting in a lot of free passes to her opponents and lost opportunities. Allan: Accumulate money and sell off random properties, to ensure that he has enough to cover himself if he lands on someone’s property. For him, cash is king. Michael: Play on the edge the whole time, offering deals that leave him close to cashless, mortgaging properties for the extra cash. Me: Slow and steady. Accumulating properties with a safe buffer of cash, never really offering deals, but accepting or rejecting them as they are offered. Jonathan: Desperate to play the next game – he feels like he missed out! The Lessons: Yes it’s true that these are the characters in my life, but it seems that they probably represent the broad spectrum of the population when it comes to handling money in their own lives. Some people over extend themselves, some people play too safely, some people are oblivious to opportunity, and some would rather pull out altogether than experience the highs and lows of winning and losing. The point is this… A. Winning is a lot more fun than losing but not if you are miserable while you play. B. The real winner is the one who enjoys the process and learns along the way, win or ‘lose’ C. All the games in your life are played according to the way you think. If you are not happy with your outcomes or not having fun along the way, then it is time to revisit your mental strategy. Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. She is now teaching this process to coaches all over the world for use with their clients. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 17th, 2012
2:23 pm	The Plane Letter 2 He kept it in his back pack, tucked away securely to read on the airplane. It was a special gift that he was saving for the perfect moment, right after takeoff. It was a plane letter given to him just a day earlier by his girlfriend. He was anxious to read it. They had just celebrated their one year anniversary. While we sat, waiting for our departure, Jonathan our 16 year-old son, told me about how he could not wait to read the plane letter that Cori, his girlfriend, wrote for him. “When did she present it to you?” I asked. “Yesterday.” “And you still haven’t read it?” I thought that he must have taken at least a quick look. “Kim, it is a plane letter. I am supposed to read it on the plane.” “But we are in the airport, isn’t that close enough?” “No Kim. The idea is that the person who receives the plane letter must read it after there's any possibility of contact with the person who wrote it.” He tried patiently to explain the idea. “Why should you be out of contact?” I didn’t understand it. Simply because they call it a plane letter, does not mean that there was a law created that said you needed to read it on the airplane. “So that if she writes something, um, personal, I then cannot pick up the phone and call her immediately after reading through it. There must be a settlement period.” Ah... the rules of engagement. “But aren’t you wondering?” Perhaps my curiosity was greater than his. “Yes, I am, very much so.” “So can’t you simply read it now? How will she know when you look at it anyway? She is not here.” “Kim, it is a plane letter. I must read it on the plane.” I was told. The flight was delayed. We sat and waited for more information. We were informed that due to mechanical issues we had to sit tight right until they're repaired. I was thankful that the mechanical problems were going to be addressed before we got onto the plane. We continued to wait. Then the flight was cancelled. And now, due to extremely poor weather conditions, there was not a single flight going to Ft. Lauderdale, the departure place for our cruise. We were told that we missed the boat. No ship, no plane, no plane letter. They put us up at a hotel for the night and scheduled a flight the next day. I couldn’t understand why there weren’t exceptions to the plane letter rule. “But your flight was cancelled, you can read it now. I am sure that Cori would certainly understand.” I thought that surely he’d cave and check out the letter. It was no use – he waited. The following morning we’re back at the gate at the flight terminal. “So did you read the letter, Jonathan?” “Kim, it is a PLANE letter. I must wait until I’m on the plane.” “Do you want me to read it for you?” “No thanks, I’ll simply wait.” I was impressed at his resolve. The rules were the rules and there wasn't any way that he'd break them. He honored the plane letter until the moment was right. Onto the plane we went and a few minutes before takeoff I dozed off. The instant I woke up I asked the question, “Did you read her letter?” His ear-to-ear grin supplied the answer. “Was it really worth the wait?” “It was worth every minute.” He responded with 100 % certainty. I was surprised at how a sixteen year-old boy could have much calm and patience. I was even more amazed at how much he also enjoyed the wait. He knew it would be great. He did not need to force the situation or hurry the process. He expected it to rock his world and it did. All in good time was the lesson he taught me. All in good time. Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Start your own free, personal, online journal at www.frameofmindcoaching.com. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 13th, 2012
12:30 pm	A Master Dethroned I was the master. In the past 2 years I kept the title for the best record April Fools’ joke ever. It happened a couple of years back when I informed my parents that I was getting married to a person they didn't believe was a particularly perfect match for me, a year after an initial 15 year marriage that ended in separation and divorce. They went ballistic (as I expected they would) and started to tell me that this marriage was a big mistake. They said it was too soon and that my thinking was impaired. I kept the fun going by improving the drama. I responded by stating that after all I had been through, I could not believe that they weren't completely happy for me and that their negative reaction was taking away all of my excitement during this happy event. My parents stopped short of booking their flights to Toronto to hit some sense into me. And for that stroke of genius I was crowned master. Until April 1, 2007. We were in Montreal visiting loved ones to celebrate Passover. My kids had stayed up quite late the night before and woke upon that day a bit slow and cranky. After our morning meal, my son, Louis went to the washroom to clean up and prepare for the day. I was in the kitchen area assisting my mother clear the dishes from breakfast when I heard a familiar holler, "Mom, I'm not really feeling well." My maternal intuition kicked in immediately as I hurried to the washroom and opened the door. The odor was enough to knock me over. There he sat wincing; his face clearly showing severe stomach pain. He said, "Mom, I don't feel well. My stomach is hurting and I can't find any toilet tissue. I need your help." As I approached, he pulled out his arm and showed his hand covered in a disgusting orange-brown textured goo. I was taken aback. I took his arm desperately looking for some sort of tissue to begin cleaning the mess and said, "Oh my God! What happened?" He said, "I'm so sorry Mom, I did not know what to do. My stomach is really hurting. I need your assistance." My heart went out to him in every way. I could really feel his pain and his embarrassment and felt pleasure that I was the one he could turn to for assistance in this kind of crisis. After all ... that's what mothers are for. Just then he reached down (with his other hand) and revealed the chocolate bar wrapper that he had used as evidence of his April Fools’ trick. I was impressed by his ability to reel me in emotionally and by his crafty execution. They say the acorn does not fall far from the tree. I guess I deserved it - the master had been dethroned! Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Share your story at www.frameofmindcoaching.com. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 12th, 2012
1:30 pm	The Elevator Every single time we come and go from my parents 15th floor penthouse apartment in Montreal, the song I hear from my kids goes like this “I get to push the button! Called it! Locked it! Threw away the key!” For some unexplainable reason, pushing the elevator button is a big honor and privilege simply reserved for those who are quick on the draw. It’s a status matter and the allure is the responsibility and the control over making the elevator move and getting it from one place to another. There’s power in pressing the button and children strive to compete for that kind of power. It is natural. Strangely enough, the desire for power appears to dissolve with age. In fact, we often do everything to abdicate that power. I’m not talking about the power to press buttons (though we can throw that one in too - we stay away from hitting buttons at all cost because we're very worried about touching the buttons for fear of acquiring germs). I am referring to the power to walk into our lives and take responsibility for our happiness. We think of every reason under the sun why happiness is not possible. “How can you expect me to become happy? The market isn't good. The competition is fierce. Being a parent is hard. Having older, aging parents is stressful. Budgets are limited. Married life is hard work. My back hurts. I am overweight. I have laundry to do. I have no time at all. Life is really a huge challenge and I’m tired.” While all of this could be your reality, the truth is that this is the reality you’ve chosen to concentrate on and what you focus on is what becomes your life, plain and simple. The fact is that happiness is a choice that is a result of one basic decision: to push the button on the value of your life as a priority. To decide with unequivocal fortitude that you and your happiness are certainly more important than any other thing in the universe and be willing to say “Called it! Locked it! Threw away the key!” Are you prepared to press that button? Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Evaluate the areas of your life where you’re ready to push the button at www.assessyourframeofmind.com. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 10th, 2012
3:06 pm	The Glass Floor I had a friend vacationing from out of town and I wanted to show him the sites of Toronto - the CN Tower was a normal destination. It was an awesome sight, the tallest structure on earth. We were standing in line for 45 minutes with hundreds of other sightseers to enjoy the elevator up to the initial watch point - around 1500 ft above surface. We went around the outside of the tower and took notice of the hard wire fence firmly connected to the building structure serving as a barrier to avoid people from jumping. We went back inside to look for the prominent glass floor that provided a direct view down underneath the edifice. As we approached, we came to a halting stop a step before walking right onto it. My friend found that his legs began to tremble because of the fear of looking down from such a height. While there were a lot of people standing on it, sitting on it and even lying down on it, still many were standing on the border of the glass floor not yet ready to take that step. I too stopped for a minute contemplating the step, taking a couple of seconds to peer over the edge before making a move. And then I had a discussion in my mind: “It’s a floor like any other floor. In fact, it is actually far more durable compared to any other floor in this building. There is no real danger - it’s simply an illusion. Look at all the people already standing on it - they’re not scared. And think about all the people who have stood on it before - perhaps millions. This is safe.” I began to take that step onto the glass floor. I did not look down - at least not for a few minutes. We were a long way up. I walked on the floor and looked around and thought about how wonderful the experience was. I even found myself jumping up and down. There was no danger, it was certainly an illusion. I started to look at the people around me and watched their fear and I watched how a few of them were paralyzed standing on the side not daring to take that step. I considered how many things in our lives we are scared of and exactly how most of them are equally illusions. I So here is what I do… 1. I allow myself to feel the fear. 2. I ask myself what I am scared of. 3. I consider whether or not I want to live life with this fear and if not, I take a breath and move ahead. 4. If the fear is just too daunting, I write it down, break it down, and get it out of the way by imagining myself living the event without fearing it. What do you do? Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Break down your fears in your own personal, free, online journal at www.frameofmindcoaching.com. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 6th, 2012
6:08 pm	The Bomb Dot Com To describe my niece, Simone, as extremely energetic is a less than accurate. She’s the type of teenager who could have your mind spinning within only two minutes of meeting her and have you performing freakish physical feats with parts of the body you didn’t realize could move that way. As a kid she used to plant herself in the middle of a doorway and climb the edges with her hands alone. She is lovely, shocking, and beyond charming - that’s Simone. So when I was in Montreal for a family function, we got to enjoy some time together. She came down for breakfast one morning wearing a t-shirt that said: E = MC2 Miss Moman After reading her t-shirt and believing that Miss Moman must be a new band targeting the teenage crowd, I asked, “Who is Miss Moman?” “She’s the Bomb dot com,” was the reply I received. “Is she a new pop star?” I questioned. “No. She is my math teacher.” “Your math teacher???” I was shocked and mixed up. “You had a t-shirt designed with your math teacher’s name on it? Why would you do that?” “I like her. She rocks.” “What do you like about her?” “She is the best.” “Okay, but exactly what makes her the best?” “Nothing really, she isjust simply awesome.” “I do not fully understand. What makes her awesome?” “She is really cool. We have a really good relationship. She lets me do things in class.” “Like what?” I was overcurious. I wanted to know what kind of magic elixir Miss Moman was making to elicit such enthusiasm from a grade 10 student. “Well, let me give you an example. The other day I was lying on her work desk and I saw her pencil case. She forgot it in class and I opened it up and found this cool pen and I started using it.” “You were lying down on her work desk?!?! Who does that? Did she get angry?” “No, that is the thing, she does not get mad. She is cool with it.” In my mind, I imagined a circus trainer wanting to tame her wild animals. She obviously had no power to control her class. I deemed it difficult for anyone to learn anything in that type of crazy environment. “Okay, what are your grades like?” “Pretty good. I got a 98% on my final test.” “98%! Wow! That’s amazing.” “She makes me want to work for her and obtain good marks.” Still dumbfounded by the Miss Moman puzzle, I continued with this question, “What do you think makes Miss Momanso special?” “Nothing really. She just lets me be me.” Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Be the real you in your own personal, free, online journal at www.frameomfindcoaching.com. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012
2:41 pm	Waiting for the Train I arrived at the train station in Philadelphia both thrilled and a little bit tired after two presentations for Land America, a title company. I was headed to New York for the RIS Media seminar. I had some pieces of travel luggage and required help onto the train from a porter. I sat on a nearby bench as I waited for his signal to walk toward the train. I looked around and took a quick scan of the big hall. It was all but impossible not to notice a middle aged couple not too far away engaged in a long, passionate embrace. They caught my eye and held my attention, a little bit longer than appropriate. To my embarrassment, the porter observed me attached for so long on the scenario and said “Stop looking, they should really get a room.” Still I could not stop looking. It was something about their embrace. It was something about their outfits that made me imagine them as a couple from one of those movies with Mickey Rooney made a long time ago in black and white, like they're captured in time. Maybe it was something about their age, their pose, and his disheveled hair. I was entranced. The porter told me that it was time to go. He took my luggage onto a cart and said “follow me”. I did. He started to walk toward the couple and made a stop to aid the man. I noticed he was holding a stick. He was blind. The porter took the man’s hand and fixed it securely to his arm leading the way. As we stepped into an elevator, the porter informed me that the man had only just gotten engaged that day. The gentleman spoke up and said “That explains all the kissing.” I broke into a smile. I said, “Congratulations! When is the wedding?” “January 19th,” he answered. Calculating a quick 4 ½ month engagement period, I said “Boy, you don’t waste any time.” He said “Well, we’re both widows. We really don’t have any reason to wait.” And in that instant I realized that there's almost never a reason to wait. It’s just something that we are used to doing. We are used at waiting for something to happen, for the time to be perfect, or the tide to swing our way. We just sit and wait and keep living our lives the same way as always, hoping that someday something wonderful will happen. Waiting. Waiting. What a costly use of time. Are you still waiting? What exactly are you waiting for? Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching.com to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 2nd, 2012
1:36 pm	The Bird at the Train Station My kids and I were standing on the platform at the train station waiting for the train to pick us up and take us back to Toronto after a long weekend in Montreal visiting family. Ferne spotted a bird. It was a plump bird and it looked warm and snuggly, resting peacefully in her nook as though it had found a reprieve from the perils of the world. She had found a cozy spot to lay down her feathery load right on the train tracks. Seconds later we heard an announcement on the speakers overhead “Last call for train # 57 heading to Toronto.” As we looked up, we saw the train approaching. My daughter started to panic and wave her arms in an attempt to swish the bird away. My son started to shout at the bird, “Bird! Move away!” I became nervous as Ferne moved toward the tracks desperately trying to help the bird. Seeing the train come closer, I held her back. The bird showed no intention of flight. We prepared to witness a bird squashing of colossal proportions. I wanted to shield my kids from the imminent tragedy. I wanted to protect them from witnessing such a gruesome death. I was still hopeful that the bird would flee at the very last moment with the increasing vibration of the train on the tracks. The bird did not move. As the train came closer, I held my breath and waited for the impact… There was no impact. She was sitting on the itsy bitsy part of the track that is tucked neatly beneath the place where the wheels of the train connect with the rail. She was safe. Holy smokes! We could not believe our eyes! The bird was smarter than us. She knew that she would be safe and did not have a shroud of fear or panic in her demeanor. She was so calm in fact, she appeared to be asleep. We were the ones who were in panic mode. Even when there was nothing we could do. We had no trust that the bird knew what she was doing or that her instinct for self preservation was at work. We were terrified with the anticipation of what we were certain was going to happen. We knew better. In no uncertain terms, that bird was going to die. And it didn’t. We are frequently terrified of certain disaster that never materializes. Sometimes it’s due to hype (like when we all ran out and bought 50,000 tones of water in preparation for the clock to strike midnight on the new millennium), and sometimes it’s due to paralyzing fear, or outside influence. Either way, we end up selling ourselves short of amazing experiences and cherished moments. Of course, I still don’t recommend you find a cozy little spot on the rail road track to take a little snooze. But I do recommend living on the edge a little bit and stretching your comfort zone and trying things that ordinarily might seem a little bit daunting or scary. The real recommendation is this: imagine you are 99 years old and you look at yourself in the mirror and reflect on your life… think of the regrets you might have living your life never having experienced certain things. What are those things? Those are the things that you need to make sure you incorporate in your life before it’s too late. Those are the things that you need to make sure you experience so that you live your life without regret. While it’s true that the bird’s resting spot freaked us out imagine the bird’s life without the discovery of the train track? Imagine all the discoveries you have yet to make… are you up for it? Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Share your story at www.frameofmindcoaching.com or assess your frame of mind at www.assessyourframeofmind.com. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 29th, 2011
4:34 pm	The Baritone With my son Louis in grade 6, and my little girl Ferne in grade 3, the beginning of a new school year brings new school subjects our way like those with interesting new musical instruments. Louis was assigned with playing the baritone. I wasn’t even convinced that a baritone was a musical instrument until he proved it to me by searching it on the web. He spent 2 days spitting into his mouth piece as an attempt to ‘practice’ playing Yankee Doodle (yes, even Canadians know that one) when he proclaimed that he required a protective pouch for his mouth piece and that we absolutely had to go to the dollar store to get one. In the spirit of stimulating his enthusiasm for music, off we traveled to the dollar store, just the two of us. We went immediately for the protective mouth piece aisle and retrieved the pouch we came for when Louis suggested, “Mom, let’s go down the aisles one by one just for fun.” I knew it was his way of finagling the purchase of some extra treats and gizmos and in order to extend our cherished one-on-one time together, I willingly obliged. We picked out several things that we really didn’t really need such as extra plastic containers for leftovers, double A batteries for our milk frother, a picture frame that says “family” and some bobby socks for Ferne, his sister, with little cat pompoms on the ankles. As we were exiting the store, Louis said, “Shopping is good sometimes, it cleans you out.” Considering the $35 I just paid on one dollar items, I had to agree, but knew he was referring to a different sort of cleaning. “What are you talking about, Louis?” “It cleans you out. If you are angry or pissed off or frustrated and you go shopping, you leave just feeling better and it’s all ‘hakuna matata.’ (A term he learned from the movie The Lion King that means “no difficulties": no troubles, problems, worries or cares.) What surprised me was his insight. This was not a talk about shopping. It was a conversation about Frame of Mind. It was about how when you change your focus away from the things that frustrate you to things that calm you or excite you, your entire mood can change. Therein lays a key: what you focus on is what becomes your life. But the bigger secret is this - you can deliberately change your mind if you want to by continuously focusing on the stuff that you want in your life. It’s called building the mind muscle. Making it the single biggest goal in your life is crucial to your thinking, the quality of your life, and your overall success. Of course shopping isn’t for every person - although it absolutely works for some as a short term way to redirect one’s focus. Other things can work too… listening to music, hitting the gym, watching a sitcom, talking with a good friend, pretty much anything that makes you feel better. Here’s what I do… I write in a journal daily and focus my thoughts on the things I want to see, do, and enjoy throughout my life. The minute I write it down, it’s real and it’s permanent and I begin to create all the things I desire. My Frame of Mind is the foundation of that creation and I work on it every day. How about you? What do you do to focus your thoughts and shift your mind? Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching.com to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 25th, 2011
11:16 pm	Escalating Badness Have you ever noticed that when things start to go wrong, they just get worse? That's the kind of day I had today. Escalating badness. It's a function of the law of attraction. When you focus on the thing that makes you feel bad, you continue to feel bad and then you emanate bad energy and that energy just attracts more bad stuff. The trick is to gradually move yourself out of badness and into a more happy, joyful state. Easier said than done, right? Well let me try... The first thing I need to do is be kind to myself. I say, "Today I had a bad day. Tomorrow, I will choose to have a better day." The second thing I need to do is imagine what a great day looks like: I wake up feeling refreshed and energized. The sun shines through my window blinds. I take a few minutes to give some thought to what I am grateful for. I leap out of bed and wake up my kids. They are unbelievably cheerful and they get dressed, brush their teeth and get ready for school as I shower and get ready too. They are in the car on time and ready to go. As I drive them to school, we all sing out loud to a song that the three of know the lyrics to. I give them a hug and a kiss, I tell them I love them and to have a great day. They too tell me they love me and I am ready to face my day. I get to work and I walk into my office to see a pile of cheques on my desk ready for deposit. I receive emails from customers who are thrilled with my company and send me at least one referral each. I get a bunch of calls from prospects who have heard great things about me and ask me if I'd be willing to work with them. I meet at least one new person who is dynamic, intelligent, interesting, and doing amazing things in the world. I connect with some of my friends and swap stories. I feel great. I head home to pick up my kids who have already finished their homework, are both in amazing moods, and are ready to go home, have a great dinner, light a fire and watch a movie together. Before going to bed I write a blog entry. That's a perfect day. The third thing I need to do is say "Thanks for such an amazing day." Funny how that whole process just made my today so much brighter... I have a strong feeling that tomorrow will be a great day! Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and lifetransformation. Share your story at www.frameofmindcoaching.com or assess your frame of mind at www.assessyourframeofmind.com. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 23rd, 2011
1:35 am	By the Light of the Moon She was tired and stressed and obviously upset. She was out of control and unable to collect herself. My 8 year old daughter, Ferne was beside herself because it was already 8:55 p.m. and she still had so much to do: study for her French spelling test, read, and write in her journal. Yes, of course she has a journal; she is my daughter after all! With a note of hysteria, she blamed me for letting the time slip by, and claimed that she hated herself for not being prepared for the spelling test. Nothing I could do would calm her down. I tried everything. I tried extending her bed time by an extra 20 minutes, I tried getting her to focus on the time we still had to study for her test, and, seeing that she was far too exhausted to study anyways, I tried suggesting that she relax and wake up fresh the following morning and study then. No matter what I said, her hysteria grew. She even began to thrash around in her bed, unable to contain herself. She lost it. Then her brother, Louis walked in the room. He had just finished taking his shower and stood in front of us wrapped in a towel. Witnessing the dynamics of the situation, he decided to add his own spice to the mix. Just as he turned around to leave the room, he deliberately let his towel drop, mooning us both. Ferne started to laugh and the tension evaporated instantly. She let go of beating herself up (and everyone around her) and traded it in for a little levity. What an idea! Trading in the tension and self defeating thoughts for a little levity is such a simple, yet powerful concept. She ended up reading a little, writing in her journal, and going to sleep. The following morning she woke up and studied for her spelling test to finally master every word on the list. Here’s how it works. Not much gets accomplished when you are miserable and feel bad about yourself. But sometimes it happens, and we just feel lousy about ourselves and disappointed about our achievements, or lack thereof. The more we dwell on the goals we have not reached, the bigger the hole gets and the harder it is to fill it. So here’s the key. Use a little levity to lift yourself up. Change your focus. Do something else, and when you are feeling low, focus on feeling better. Get an ice cream. Go for a run. Listen to a great song. Call a friend. Reconfigure your mind to recall the last time you felt aligned and felt good. The moment that you are moving toward a better frame of mind, your likelihood of attaining your goals dramatically improves. Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Share your story at www.frameofmindcoaching.com or assess your frame of mind at www.assessyourframeofmind.com. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 22nd, 2011
10:39 am	Tap Away! I am sure it slipped. I know that it’s not what he meant to say, but it came out anyways. He was frustrated and perhaps a little tired. Our youngest son Brian revealed his true feelings about relationships as he uttered the words that are probably spot on for a good percentage of the population… “It’s hard to be nice.” He was talking about being nice to his brothers. It’s hard to be nice when they’re irritating and annoying. It’s especially hard to be nice when they’re tapping on the table or tapping on their legs or tapping on the back of a chair. He hates their tapping. They are drummers and they like to tap, but Brian insists that they do it on purpose, just to bug him, and it drives him absolutely insane. “Stop!” he cries. “I can’t stand it! Why don’t you do it when I’m not here?” The tapping bothered him so much that he worked himself into a frenzy, “Can’t you see that I have a splitting headache?” Sometimes the tapping bothers him so much that it leads physical fight with his brothers. His brothers just like to tap. Not for any particular reason other than they constantly have a rhythm in their heads that needs to be expressed. It brings them joy. In their minds, they don’t do it to bug Brian (although that might be a perk); they do it because they can’t help it. It’s natural. And besides, they have a right to tap. They aren’t loud. In fact, they are extremely quiet. I certainly couldn’t hear them. The only way that I noticed the tapping was if I looked and saw their hands moving. Brian was bothered by the movement, not so much the noise. He decided it was a personal affront and the more it bothered him, it seemed, the more they tapped. It was a vicious circle and it was time for some mindset coaching. In the Frame of Mind Coaching process, my clients often bring a similar coaching question to me… “What do I do when something that someone else does drives me crazy?” The answer goes like this. Nothing that anyone else does can drive you crazy unless you decide to pay attention to it and allow it to drive you crazy. So, decide to pay attention to something that doesn’t drive you crazy. In fact, pay attention to something that brings you pleasure. It doesn’t even require a whole lot of emotional resilience to turn your attention to something else and start to focus on that. Turn your head. Look with your eyes and notice all of the amazing things that surround you. Daydream if you have to. It’s your responsibility to take care of the way you feel and when you find something that bothers you and you focus on it to the exclusion of everything else, you are using that thing as an excuse for your misery. It’s all in your hands and you get to choose what it is that you are focussed on. So, I am working with Brian to help him change his thinking. Don’t pay attention to them. Look out the window. Do something else. Sing a song, read a book, call a friend, eat a sandwich. The less you notice them tapping, the less they will tap. There are some things that just require a little time… Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Start your own gratitude journal at www.frameofmindcoaching.com. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 21st, 2011
10:32 am	It’s Not Always About You I took the afternoon off work today so that I could be at home when my new car was delivered. My sister-in-law drove it into town from Montreal where it was purchased. (I know…isn’t that nice???) After she arrived, we went for lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon together until the time I had to drive her to the airport so that she could catch a flight back home. After dropping her off, I called the office to check in. I spoke with Jacqui, our Director of Communications, discussing the details of our booth at the virtual convention we will be attending in a couple of weeks. I was driving and talking and admittedly, still getting used to the new size and fancy features of my new car. I wasn’t as focused on the road as I should have been when all at once I turned my gaze slightly to the left and noticed a police car driving slowly beside me. Uh oh. He caught me. He must have seen me on the phone, not paying attention to my driving. I saw him looking at me. In one second flat I told Jacqui that I had to go – and I hung up on her without even saying goodbye. My thoughts started running rampant. Perhaps I was speeding. Or maybe he’ll pull me over for not having a registered vehicle. Maybe he is going to comment on my 11 year old son sitting in the front seat (even though I know he’s old enough). Maybe he is going to tell me that I’m not a responsible mother. Maybe he is looking for a criminal and he thinks I’m her. Suddenly he slowed down and pulled up behind me. The lights on top of his roof started flashing. Oh God, I’m cooked… I had to stay calm, for the sake of my son in the car. But guilt was written all over my face. I started to think of what I was going to say to get out of the mess…It’s a new car and I am not used to the larger size, that’s why I’m driving in two lanes… My son has a small bladder and he really needs to use the washroom, that’s why I’m speeding… I pulled over and waited for my reprimand. I looked in the rear view mirror to see him drive around me to catch up with the car ahead of me up the road. Holy smokes! I breathed a sigh of relief and burst out laughing with my son. It wasn’t about me. Kim Ades, MBA, President of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software, is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. Visit www.frameofmindcoaching.com to sign up for your own free, secure, online journal. (Comment on this)